Monday, December 16, 2019

Why I?

Recently I was asked what is the "I" in the "I Of God" - what do I mean.  It is very simple - when I write my posts - I write as an individual - not we - them - us - they - only - I.  It is my thoughts - musings - feelings that come to me.  No church - no parish - no official party to whom I owe anything - except - God.  For all I do - say - speak - think - I pray that all is acceptable to God - to Jesus - my Lord.  Let me make it very clear - I am a Christian - baptized as an infant - by my father and mother.  He the son of a Methodist minister - she an inactive Catholic.  Dad firmly grounded in his faith - Mom - turned off from her faith by a mean spirited nun - closed mind - closed heart - damaged my mother's faith.  It stayed that way until dad's premature death - dad dying as a son of God - mom - still questioning until one eventful day in the hospital - when a Catholic priest - with the love of Jesus firmly embedded in his heart - reconciled mom to her faith - her God.  I never met him but whoever he was - thanks - long over due.  When mom died - she died with her rosary and renewed faith.  I have always believed - never not believed.  I have questioned - argued - wrestled with God - but when His hands are so large that He holds the world in them - when His heart is so large that He easily forgives any sin - you just have to give in to Him - accept Him for what He Is - what He has done - what He will do.  Throughout my life I have had moments when times looked bleak - I never gave up - never gave in.  In my mind - heart - I have always known that He is there - standing at my side - even in my darkest hours - even when I chose to do things I shouldn't - He has been there.  I cannot think of a single moment when I thought He abandoned me - He has always been there - still is.

All  that I am - I owe to Jesus - to God - His Holy Spirit.  At my lowest moments - when I feel over looked - not allowed to do what I do best - I know He is there - allowing me to rest my head on His shoulder - sharing my disappointments - sadness.  Luckily - for whatever reason - those times - moments -  have been few and far between.  God has blessed me with a strong faith - a beautiful loving wife - sons that respect me - challenge me.  Today I paused and experienced a moment of sadness - my father's birthday - gone for 57 years now - he would have been 113 years old  - 57 years sharing in the glory that God promises all of us when we join Him in Heaven.  Today - although a bit sad - filled with the JOY that we look for during Advent - when we pray - Hope.  I have been blessed with a marriage that has been a constant joy for over 50 years now - 31 years blessed as an ordained Catholic deacon - looking to many more years of both.  I am the I - in the I of God - me and no one else.  What you read is me - my inner thoughts - mostly for myself - also for you who read these musings - the fire of God burning strongly in me.  I pray that you know Jesus as I do - if not - I invite you to seek Him - He is everywhere - anywhere - you need Him to be.  Praying that you too may see yourself also as the - I of God.

Deacon Dale